Time to Talk Part 2 : How to have a difficult conversation with your partner
In the second of her two part series "Time to Talk", Psychologist and Mediator Denise Britton sets out her simple strategies for sitting down and having "that" conversation with your partner. You might not get it right every time, but by following these tips when communicating with your other half, you might find the conversation is less difficult, and more productive than you might have expected.
- Try to show respect for your partner – No matter how frustrated you might be with them at the time, be respectful. And be careful not to speak down to them. Nothing dooms a discussion like one party being placed on the defensive. Both of you will have valid perspectives, even though these will almost inevitably differ.
- Hear the other person out before you respond – If you really are listening you will not be formulating your response while the other person is talking.
- Don’t interrupt when the other person is speaking – unless it is to seek clarification of something they are saying.
- Check you understand what your partner is saying – Before coming back with your views or opinions, seek clarification. e.g.”So you are saying…..” or “Do I have that right?” Too often we don’t hear what the other person really intends us to hear.
- Keep things on track – try to stay on track with the topic you want to discuss and resolve. If you go off at tangents the issues may seem insurmountable. Limiting the scope of each discussion is a good idea.
- Fix a time to check back in – make time to get together later to see how you are both dealing with the issue since your discussion about it.
- Don’t try to change the other person – Remember the only person you have any power to change is yourself. Listen out for how you can better address your partner’s needs (if you consider them reasonable).
- Consider professional help – if you can’t seem to work out the problem together, have you considered a relationship counsellor?
Denise Britton is a Psychologist, Mediator and Co-founder of Brisbane Mediations. You can read Part 1 of Denise’s “Time to Talk” series here.